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The Question.

When it comes to relationships, researchers have discovered that it’s not how often people text one another that matters, but how “text compatible” they are. I watched a video podcast where three guys were interviewed and was asked this question ” how would you want to constantly communicate with your spouse”? Funny enough, the three young men gave three different answers.
Mr A said – He prefers texting his spouse. He likes it when he constantly text his spouse, he’s not so much of the calling type. When talking about relationships, researchers have discovered that it’s not how often people text one another that matters, but how “text compatible” they are. Scientists also have discovered that aside from being a functional way to communicate, texting allows people to escape their present situation. People text because they are bored or because they feel it’s a better way to express themselves rather than talking on the phone or in person.

As mentioned previously, texting has the power to be a good thing. But, issues comes up when it becomes your main mode of  communication. Too many times there is a lot of miscommunication that takes place, altering the entire course of the relationship. Texting a compliment, a funny meme, or a positive comment, will make the person on the other end feel closer to you and more satisfied with the relationship. Just as Mr A would want it. Likewise, checking in on someone or just letting them know that you’re thinking of them can  strengthen the relationship too. Consequently, this would also mean regularly sending encouraging notes to your spouse/partner. This works best for those of us that prefers texting over calling.

I prefer texting/chatting with my partner.

Mr B said – FaceTime. And it’s very convenient for him to facetime, cos he’d love to see his woman, hear her voice at any given opportunity. One of the most obvious advantages to video calling/facetime is that it is a fun and convenient way of keeping in touch with friends, family and loved ones. Mr B said “with video call I can observe the real emotions of my person”. Facetime is actually a great medium to feel the presence of your partner faraway from you. Unlike calls, you would be able to see their facial expression when you video chat which means that you are going to get closer with them and you are going to be able to express yourself better at the same time. Surely, this is something that you would want and know that will help your relationship grow at the same time. You want to make sure that you understand how the love of your life feels about you, and what better way to do that than to make sure that you will be able to observe their emotions.

I’d rather facetime my partner.

Third Man said calling- calling his spouse and hearing her voice gives him that satisfaction he needs. In a world that is becoming increasingly stressed and more of us feel overwhelmed, anxious, and afraid, we need to know there is someone who has our back, who is there for us. We need real friends, real companions, real lovers who could just put a call across. A call when we need connection can be life-saving. A text just doesn’t get it. Words of love and encouragement that are given in real time by a real person, meant just for us can open our heart. Think back to a time when you first fell in love, that first wonderful stage of love…when all you would want to hear is that sweet melodious voice that calms you down, that voice you would always want to hear over and over again. Words on a screen don’t touch us nearly as deeply as words that are spoken. Though honestly speaking I’m not the calling type but then, there are some persons I wouldn’t want to miss hearing from them.

Well, for me, calling my partner seems the best.

Bottom line of this piece is to encourage us to working towards a healthy and a beautiful relationship worthy of emulation from the outside world. Always have this in mind, that what works for you may not necessarily work for another. How your spouse treats you may not really be the same way your friend wants to be treated. People are different, people love differently. People tolerate different behaviors and characters from whoever they choose to. What should be your priority in any form of relationship is you finding out what is best for you and your spouse. Here’s wishing you a wonderful journey ahead. Always be intentional!!

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Begin With The End In Mind.

In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there.

  As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life.

  As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first  is from your family, immediate and also extended—children, brothers, sisters, nephews,  nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and  grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community  or organization  where you’ve been involved in  service.

  Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother, would you like their words to reflect What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

  What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?
This is a kind of mental exercise I engage myself in, consciously of course. I guess you know the answers to those questions? right now within yourself, answer them. What character would you want them to have seen you in? What contributions and achievements would you like them to remember you for?

You see, the most fundamental application of “begin with the end in mind” is to begin today with the image or picture of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which everything else is examined. Each part of your life—today’s behavior, tomorrow’s behavior, next week’s behavior, next month’s behavior—can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have. defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole.
       

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.

  It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy—very busy—without being very effective.

  People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the expense of things they suddenly realize were far more valuable to them. People from every walk of life—doctors, academicians, actors, politicians, business professionals, athletes, and plumbers—often struggle to achieve a higher income, more recognition or a certain degree of professional competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal blinded them to the things that really mattered most and now are gone.

  How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and, keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most. If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster. We may be very busy, we may be very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we begin with the end in mind.

I don’t really wanna bore you with long write up. I’m gonna end this with a story of my dad’s friend who thought was actually on the right tract but didn’t know something was missing in his journey of life. This friend of my dad who only believes in making money, struggling to achieving higher income and recognition forgetting about his personal life. How to be in a cordial relationship with people and all. Today he’s extremely rich and at the same time finding it difficult to relate with people, not really that per se, but he’s always getting in the way or always meeting with the wrong people. And most of them wanna be with him for the obvious reasons. Of course he’s rich. Being rich with no true, authentic love, being rich with no one to share that comfort with. People who come to him now are just people who are obviously after his money and fame. Temporary people, people with short time goals. His quest/derive for more recognition and higher income (to gain the whole world) has blinded him to the things that really mattered the most and now are gone. Balancing money making (work) and your personal life( be it relationship with a love one or love ones) is very very important. It’s actually not fruitful to focus on one and leave the other, nah! it isn’t done that way. This is why knowing your core values is really extremely important in your life. Give equal attention to your top most priorities.

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Focus On You: Your First Responsibility.

Wondering what this is all about? Well, this is just me expressing my self and I find this medium soothing. You wouldn’t wanna know how I got back since 2020. Lol, story for another day. I actually never wanted to write about this but then I asked for direction lo and behold this topic just dropped. I could vividly remember back then, as the only girl in my family I would want my brothers to always be with me in the kitchen helping with the dishes and running one or two errands for me. My mum will always tell me to try and do things myself and shouldn’t be dependent on my brothers because very soon they won’t be there to help anymore. That should be like 14-15 years ago, and true, what she said then came to pass you know, as being guys that they are, always out of the house with friends. Boys would always be boys for you. Why did I mention this? At some point in life you need to do things for yourself, standup for yourself, speak for yourself. Because obviously no one’s gonna do that for you. That taught me a very big lesson. FOCUS ON YOU! yeah focus on you. I initially wanted to write on ‘What They Didn’t Tell Us About Sex’ but then here we are. That would apparently be my next blog post.


There’s this quote I so much love it goes ” focus on yourself until the focus is you”. This implies you being intentional about your growth, what you wanna do in life, what you wanna achieve in life and wasting time on anything that doesn’t contribute to your growth is out of it. When you focus on yourself you get to know things about you, things like what works best for you in your business, your career, your spiritual life, your social life, your personal life and many more. By focusing on yourself you would hardly have the time to focus on someone else, monitoring his or her movement, whether he or she is progressing or not, whether he or she is making sales, billions or not. There are times when people would try to bring you down, and that is when you need to be strong and focus more on yourself rather than listening to what others are saying “The more you focus on yourself, the better you become,” Doe Zantamata aptly highlights the importance of focusing on yourself. People will always keep saying things about you, they will always talk, criticize you but what is more important is never pay heed to what people say because it is human tendency to keep saying things that don’t make any sense. Always keep your attention on your goals to rise above everyone else. God has planned better things for you in life. So, do not judge people and do not let others judge you. 

Focus on yourself.


   Comparison is another factor, you see most times we tend to compare ourselves with people who are ahead of us. Like what about me why am I still in this condition? look at Mrs A she’s married, gotten her degree, her children are doing well, her business is going smoothly and all manner of success you could think of…and then looking at yourself and your current situation you feel nothing’s happening, you’re discouraged, you conclude nothing good can happen to you. But that isn’t what it’s supposed to be actually, the only one you should compare yourself to is you. Your mission is to become better than you were yesterday. And you do that by focusing on developing yourself, focusing on what you can do, what makes you happy.
   Secondly, what works magic in focusing on yourself is getting to know what works best for you, take for instance as a business man or woman you need to know or develop strategies on how you could grow your business or take it to the next level. Everybody is different. What works for another person may not work for someone else. We all have our own unique struggles, and because of that, we all have our own unique solutions. Going into a business because Mr A is successful in it doesn’t guarantee your success. People make hidden sacrifices that you don’t see on the outside or have any idea about. Just like a pastor or rather a man of God would make the sacrifice of spending quality time, when I say quality time I mean enough time with God, spending time in God’s word and then they come to the pulpit to blast in tongues, heal the sick and bring down the glory of God. It didn’t just happen in a day or two. It really take so much time, determination and dedication for one to excel in his or her field.  Same as a business tycoon would do, the sleepless nights of balancing the debit and credit book, exporting and importing goods, risks of investing in a new business. Same also, as a student would go through sleepless nights of reading, attending lectures whether or not he or she feels like going just to come out the best.

Now talking about relationships, you need to focus on yourself by working on yourself to being that person you would what to see in someone else or someone you would want to meet. If you wanna meet a queen you have to be a king and vice versa. Work on that bad habit of yours, if you had been in a toxic relationship heal first before  moving to the next if need be.
Many people are led to believe that they have to date or be in a relationship. Dating can be a great experience, but the quality of your dating experience will be largely impacted by the type of people you’re dating. This is why focusing on yourself and putting in the work to be the best version of yourself will be an asset to you once you’re ready to begin dating.
In life, your first responsibility should be to yourself. If you’re not in a good place mentally and emotionally, you’re not going to be able to fulfill additional responsibilities that you may have. Focusing on yourself allows you to grow as an individual, pinpoint areas that need improvement, and make sure that you’re doing well.

Dating can be a nice experience but the quality of your dating experience will be largely impacted by the kind of person you’re dating.

Focusing on yourself and at the same time putting God in whatever you do. Growth mindset is good, but God’s mindset is better. Throughout scriptures, a common thread can be weaved, from Genesis to Revelation: There are no limits to what one can accomplish, whenever his or her goals are aligned with God’s plan. The person who fixes their eyes and heart on God’s omnipotence can indeed “do all things through him who strengthens them.” When one falls, he helps them get up and encourages them to try again. When their fears say they can’t, God reminds them they can. Indeed, people who understand God’s mindset know it too well: There is no mountain too high, or river too deep that we cannot cross, when God is on our side. A God-centered mindset breaks every mold and overcomes all limitations. It is that mindset that propelled fearful Moses to hold out his staff as God parted the sea, (Exodus 14:21) It was that same mindset that gave 100-year-old Abraham the strength to believe that God would make him fertile…one last time. This mindset is not inborn and cannot be explained by the most illustrious professor. It is called faith, and it turns the most broken lives into success stories, even at the dawn of their days.

In summary, the only good thing you can do for you is being intentional about your growth, being dedicated to improving yourself and getting to knowing or seeing the better version of yourself. On this note I wanna end by sharing this quote
“If you would be less concerned with someone else’s shine and focus on your grind, you would see the growth and progress that you desire in your own life”.
Germany Kent. Happy New Month from Miss Balasa💥💥

The Sixth Love Language: Self improvement (Part one)

I know y’all would be wondering well I thought I’d share it here. 
So I made a research and found out that there are actually five different love languages. According to Chapman the five ways to express and  experience love are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Giving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

I know you must have heard or read something of that nature, but what I’m gonna explain here is quite different.
According to Chapman, taking the time to learn and really understand your partners primary love language which is often different from your own can improve communication and strengthen your bond.
  Before going into the sixth love language, what is a love language? This is actually all about knowing what it takes for a person to feel loved.
Sometimes in a love relationship, it’s not always about doing something directly for your partner like giving them stuff or saying sweet things to them. Other times what makes your partner loves you more could be what you do to yourself to make you a better.
      Self improvement is one of my love languages because I know that the more you improve yourself as a person, working towards your dreams, your goals and every other thing that makes you a better person the more I will be able to love me better. Many persons are actually like that, stimulated by intelligence and hunger to grow.
Generally, one if the best things you can ever do for yourself and the one you love is to never stop growing as a person and in your relationship.

Relationship and marriage isn’t the end it’s only a means to an end.
If your mindset as a single lady /guy is just to marry and it ends there it’s bad. If you stop growing as a person you’ll come to a point in your relationship or marriage you become intellectually incompatible with your partner (that’s if growth is one of your partners love language) making you struggle to sustain conversations, communication becomes a serious problem and boring in the sense that it circles around just one topic romance and sex nothing deep, nothing valuable.
   

In a relationship you are ought to discuss the word of God, deep values, businesses, sports, current affairs, movies, family planning, career purpose etc.

You should be growing at least knowing (even if it’s a little about everything) that way you won’t feel lost during a conversation that matters to your partner. Just know something, add value to yourself so that your partner can find you interesting to engage in deep conversation with.

PART TWO COMING SOON…

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My thoughts: the bitter truth.

I think we live in a society where people just appreciate what glitters: dont get me wrong, it’s actually nice to appreciate those…but not all that glitters is gold. You’d think you have a good number of friends/audience until you stop posting all those cute, dazzling pictures of yours on the social…

Sometimes I feel we live in such a society.

Don’t be disheartened you might actually be better than that person you thought has it all. As long as you enjoy and find what you do interesting, go ahead and be happy. It could be art, poetry, business advertisement, could be preaching the word.

Whatever you find interesting, I bet you don’t need anybody’s reaction or attention to be happy doing it. If you want to do something, do it for the love and passion you have towards it not for likes, comment or just to show off, it’s ridiculous.

Digressing from social media world, same pattern applies in reality where the poor masses are being shut up, they no longer have a say in the society, they’re being trambled upon. The scripture in James 2:2-4 says For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment; And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool: Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?
As a leader or whatever position we find ourselves let’s try to treat people with respect and love. Don’t be partial in your dealings with people, let people know they have you.
Beware Of Personal Favoritism.
I love you!

The naked truth about godly relationships.

The blog

I was just surfing the internet and saw a post that really caught my attention, “A Godly Relationship” Wow! I know many of us would be thinking, is a godly relationship not when partners pray, fast, study the word together n abstain from sexual activities?

Well there’s more to that actually…A godly relationship is different from other kinds of relationship and the real difference is not the absence of sexual activities, but the present of the Holy Spirit and of course, when the Holy Spirit is involved you won’t dare engage in sexual activities.
I’m amazed at how people who claim to be in a godly relationship struggle to love each other sincerely.

You’ll see folks in a godly relationship keeping grudges with each other for weeks, some even months.
Well, the truth is every human is too weak to love on their own. In a godly relationship, you don’t struggle to love because you have access to the Holy Spirit who teaches how to love.
The Holy Spirit helps us in our infirmities, our flesh is too weak to love. Depending on it alone would fail you. The spirit helps you to love each other sincerely, patiently, faithfully and even teaches you how to forgive.
I used to wonder how do married couple stay together? You know, like the waking up every morning to seeing one face everyday of your life.
Other kinds of relationship may struggle with love but it’s shameful for godly relationships to struggle with love. To be sure you’re in a godly relationship have you totally submitted yourself under the leadership of the Holy Spirit? Has your partner totally submitted him/herself to the Lordship of the Holy Spirit ?

The Holy Spirit is willing to be present in a relationship where he feels the presence of the two people who have submitted to him. He’s automatically the third person in a godly relationship.
THE PRESENCE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT MAKES THE RELATIONSHIP GODLY.

Mothers are gift to humanity: the joy of motherhood.

Cherish your mum!
Mothers are God’s sent to humanity.

I could remember when my mom would be like ” don’t worry you’ll also give birth and know how it feels like training your own child, I did what I did because I love you and would in anyway correct you if you go wrong.
To be a mother is really not easy, seeing my mum take care of us right from when we were little to this present day is amazing. To me, being a mother is the greatest job in the world.
On a day to day level, being a mother is to be tired, sometimes grumpy and never left alone, and then in one funny, loving moment with your kids realising it’s worth it.
A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, no boundary.
It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stand in its way.
  Show love to your mum, in anyway you can. It shouldn’t be only on her birthday, it shouldn’t be when she’s down or something.
  Showing love could be a small present, it could be a surprise birthday song/party, it could be telling her how much you love her, it could be telling her how much your advice had helped you in life, it could be doing her hard work, it could be calling her in the middle of day and so on. Just think of a way to show her that, she’s always in your mind. I love my mother and I’m proud of her though she’s not perfect. We quarrel and ague sometimes, but at the end of it I do go back to her.
  MOTHERS ARE GOD’S SENT, GIFT TO HUMANITY. DON’T FORGET TO PRAY FOR YOUR MOTHER!

Don’t forget to pray for your mother.

The frequency of attraction.

The frequency of attraction…
The law of attraction states that “like attracts like”. This means that people with a low frequency who are insecure and self abandoning attract each other. While people with high frequency who love and value themselves also attract each other.
When you learn to value yourself and take responsibility for your feelings and emotions, you are no longer attracted to someone who emotionally abandons themselves. You attract your kind of person, you are drawn to people who also value themselves and want to share love rather than get love.
I recently discovered that I’m mostly attracted to people based on their intelligence, their minds and deep conversation. I may be attracted to someone who’s actually not the shinest or all glittering but who holds within them depth of life and a thirst for life
When I slowly discover someone’s smartness, emotional intelligence, the way they speak, resolve conflicts, my attraction to them grows. So I try in my possible way to be that kind of person I want to attract.
Discover new things, new skills, read books: books that would motivate and inspire you.

Love yourself until you do that you won’t be able to love.

Be that person! If you want to attract other amazing people to you, then be that person.
~You need a good and respected wife/husband? Be that person.
~You need someone who’s gonna treat you like a king/queen? Be that person.
~You need someone who’s sincere in all he/she does? Be that person.
~You want Someone who doesn’t cheat /use abusive words? Be that person.
~ You want someone who’s not arrogant, loving, caring? Be that person.

My favorite northern beverage.

A picture of processed Kunun dawa (guinea corn)

Growing up in the northern part of Nigeria is very interesting. The northern part of Nigeria is known for a variety of things, ranging from the way the dress, food they eat, dance steps, songs and so on. Their way of life can be quite interesting.

Often times, lots of people who visite the north always look forward to the taste of food and drinks and even their way of life. Talking about the northern drinks; the most popular and common is the “Kunu” (in English known as gruel) also known as kunun-zaki.

Kunun-zaki (also know as kunu) is a popular drink consumed through out Nigeria, mostly in the north. It originates from the northern part of Nigeria.

“kunu” as it is called is a non-alcoholic Nigerian beverage made of germinated grain known as millet, sorghum, rice. All based non-alcoholic beverages are generally known as kunu (housa) whereas alcoholic beverage of cereal origin includes : burukutu, purple, busa, uber, mahewu and kafir.

Various types of kunu.

  • Kunun-zaki
  • Kunun gyada
  • Kunun akamu
  • Kunun tsamiya
  • Kunun baule
  • Kunun jiko
  • Kunun aya

Kunu can be made from millet(pennisetum typhoideum), sorghum(sorghum valgare), maize(zea mays), rice(oryza sativa) and acha(digitalis exilis).

How to produce kunu with guinea corn (known as Kunun dawa)

A picture of dawa(guinea corn)

The ingredients used are :

  • Guinea corn
  • Sweet potatoes
  • Ginger
  • Soya beans (optional)
  • Sugar

Here are steps to follow in preparing kunu :

  • Remove dirt from the dawa(guinea corn) and soak, could be overnight or just for few hours.
  • Grind the guinea corn and the set aside mixture which is the sweet potato and ginger separately.
  • Pour boiled water to the guinea corn.
  • After about some hours or less add the set aside mixture and stir.
  • Then leave to stay overnight to bring out the real taste of kunu.
  • Filter .
  • Add your sugar (optional) and serve chilled 😊😊

Health Benefits Of Kunu.

  • Helps to promote a healthy digestive system, due to its fibre content.
  • It lowers the cholesterol level and prevents the formation of blood clots.
  • It is recommended for lactating mothers as it aids in increase flow of their breast milk.
  • The addition of ginger in the drink helps with problems such as nausea, sickness and pain.

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The Purpose Of Your Life.

Have you ever wondered why you are here? We are made in God’s image, created for great things. There are times we feel worthless like nothing’s working out for you, not being loved but God sees us as priceless, he sees us as an incredibly valuable person. Instead of feeling insignificant, you can feel loved and treasured by God.

If you are tired of feeling insignificant, tired of feeling not being loved, tired of your present situation here’s a good news for you; it is time to receive Jesus as your Lord and personal Savior, because with him life is great.

Jesus loves you!

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